Dailies

Another personal thingy

Have u ever imagined how u feel when ur loved one said to u,

“ u know, I am in love with someone else”

(intermezzo okey…izinkan gw untuk menangis sebentar)

I’m back.

Tergadang gw benci dengan sifat dasar cw yg gampang larut, tapi juga kadang gw benci dengan sifat dasar cowo yang suka pura2 bego ngelarutin. Jadi dengan adanya interaksi antara solute dan solvent, chemical potential mereka yang bisa melewati gibss chemical potential membuat kedua substrate tersebut melarut dengan sempurna. Lol…

Baru2 ini, gw baru ngeliat seorang temen gw yang istilahnya ancur2an. Di tengah shalat malemnya, di tengah sujudnya, bisa2nya dia mengucurkan aer mata untuk seorang cowo yang menurut gw (with all due respect to him and his gal), ga penting banged. Ya iyalah ga penting banged ketika seorang cowo bisa membuat seorang cewe segitunya nangis darah sementara cowonya bae2 ajah. I am so sorry…Kata seseorang gw harus menentukan which ground I want to stand on, jadi ya on her ground lah I will stand.

(dan gw mule melakukan hal yang paling gw benci, nyampur aduks bahasa)

Karna gw tau betapa sakitnya kalau hal itu terjadi. Butuh 4 taun buat gw untuk bisa bangkit lagi, ngehargain diri gw lagi, n berpikir positif n cerah lagi. Karna gw tau betapa buruk dampak kejadian itu buat sang cw. Perasaan ga cukup berharga, keilangan kepercayaan diri, lenyapnya energi positif untuk bisa idup dengan penuh perasaan senyum dan bahagia, sakit dey. At least that’s what I felt. Gw ingedt dulu ketika tiba2 in the middle of the class gw pengen nangis, dan gw keluar, ke WC dan nangis. Untung dulu gw punya sahabat yang suka ngebawain tas gw setiap kali gw black out di dalem kelas.

And for all that reason, gw sangad2 ga mau seumur2 menjadi cewe yang nyebabin kejadian itu. Bikin cewe laen nangis. Gw bertekad kalo gw memulai hubungan ama seseorang, ga boleh ada satupun cewe yang nangis karna itu. And I successfully failed, worse is I hurt an angel, a perfect woman every man will die for. And for that, not only to her, to him I still feel the ultimate and the most regretful feelin I ever had for somebody till now.

So buat temen gw itu (ini temen gw yang gw refer di paragraf kedua yah), gw berharap dengan tulus kalo temen gw itu akan menemukan seseorang laen yang bisa segera menemaninya dengan tulus. Agar tidak ada lagi tangis yang tumpah untuk seorang hamba dalam munajatnya. Agar tidak usahlah dia menjalani jalan yang dulu gw tempuh dan kegelapan yang dulu harus gw jalani.

Untuk gw, Cuma keledai bukan yang akan jatuh ke lubang yang sama dua kali. Dan udah gada cukup waktu dan energi untuk masuk ke dalam zona grievance and moaning lagi. Dan sudahlah cukup lingkaran setan tidak berujung yang udah gw masukin dari 5 tahun lalu ituh.  And gal, u shud really let him totally go…enough u dragged him back once into a mess life u had(or have?). Let him totally over u.

Ketika gw berusaha untuk percaya janji-Nya, kenapa tiba2 perasaan aneh ini muncul lagi yah. Perasaan takut sendiri. Well, he’s the only guy who can always make me laugh no matter what. But then, nobody belongs to nobody. Gw harus kuat dan keras ama diri gw sendiri. Maapkan saya yah Pak, ketika saya aga in control dan dewasa, saya tetap jadi orang yang sama, egois dan childish when it comes to u. Mungkin gw harus seperti laut yang tiba2 berubah dingin dan menjauhi gw. Mungkin gw harus bekerja lebih keras dan lebih sibuk lagi biar pikiran aneh2 ini ga muncul2 lagi. Mungkin gw harus totally ga denger lagu2 romantis, ga nonton pilem2 romantis, ga baca novel2 romantis, ga liat hal2 romantis karna gw dengan gampangnya terpengaruhi. (dan saat gw nulis ini sungguh tidak terbayang bagaimana rasanya kalo dia menikah sementara gw menjomblo) Ah…sudahlah, pikiran aneh pergilah. Mungkin emang gw harus lebih keras bekerja lagi, waktu luang nan kosong gini bikin gw berpikiran aneh2. Sigh…

Last romantic tribute from me…my favourite song these days…

Fall For You (Secondhand Serenade)

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I’d never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I’m yours to keep
And hold on to your words ’cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

@kamar gw, unit gw, di mana gw satu2nya yang tinggal lebaran ini

3.15 in the morning, officially not asleep for more than 20 hours now and can’t even close my mind

Any idea what to do with sleeping disorder?

3 comments September 27th, 2008

H U L L A

Halluw everybody…haven’t writen here for quite long time. Why did I stop writing here. Umm, let me think. Because somebody told me my writings are too personal. Really? Not quite true actully. I just feel lazy n okay not have so not personal thingy.

So here I am. Try to start writing again (or I hope so :)) Enjoy it please…

Add comment September 20th, 2008

Effort Not to Veel lonelY

Just get this from a web.

It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
Aeschylus

Our envy of others devours us most of all.
Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Jealousy lives upon doubts, it becomes madness or ceases entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainty.
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

So full of artless jealousy is guilt, It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.
William Shakespeare

Whoever envies another confesses his superiority.
Dr Samuel Johnson

This one is hillarious :D

The venom clamours of a jealous woman poison more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.
William Shakespeare

I really like this one.

Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.
Buddha

Other nice quotes…

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
H. G. Wells

Not really know it means

It is better to be envied than pitied.
Herodotus

This is also a nice one

Jealousy is indeed a poor medium to secure love, but it is a secure medium to destroy one’s self-respect. For jealous people, like dope-fiends, stoop to the lowest level and in the end inspire only disgust and loathing.
Emma Goldman

Not really know whether it’s true

Envy can be a positive motivator. Let it inspire you to work harder for what you want.
Robert Bringle

And the rest…

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield

Trifles light as air Are to the jealous confirmations strong As proofs of holy writ.
William Shakespeare

In jealousy there is more of self-love than love.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

They envy the distinction I have won; let them therefore, envy my toils, my honesty, and the methods by which I gained it.
Sallust

Envy is the ulcer of the soul.
Socrates

The damning tho’t stuck in my throat and cut me like a knife, That she, whom all my life I’d loved, should be another’s wife.
Henry Glassford Bell

I like this one. I found it from another sites.

      “A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”

Hey, it’s not me who say this…It’s somebody else Sir

“He that is jealous is not in love.”

This one….just like uumm something I hope I found it years ago…:p would have been a really nice payback

      “Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women’s husbands.”

Add comment September 20th, 2008